Cinco de Mayo y Viaje en el Tiempo

Posted by Stephen on May 4, 2012 at 11:35 AM

The One about Mexico sorta

by Stephen Gillikin

Hola mi amigos,

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo, and fittingly enough I 'm in Mexico right now.  Well, I'm only in Mexico as of the time this publishes.  Literally, I'm currently in Pasadena and tomorrow is April 21st.  Although you could be reading this anytime after it publishes, in which case I'm neither in Mexico nor Pasadena considering I don't live in either place.

However, if you believe in the quantum physics theory of time being cyclical then I suppose I'm actually at all of these possible place right now as my entire existence is just one mind-blowing, infinite point.

But alas, let's get to this shindig about how awesome Mexico is, and





(Once again, I'm not actually in Mexico yet as of the time I'm writing this, so this essay will not be factual or substance-based.)

Mexico is the greatest!  Although, what's up with some of the drivers here, huh?  You know what I'm saying?  More like MexiSlow!

But seriously folks, some of the automobiles drive fast.  Too fast!  And I gotta be all like, "Hey, hey hey.  MexiWhoa!!!!"

The ladies are nice though.  But there's certainly some MexiHoes!  You know what I'm saying?!?!

I guess that's part of the nightlife, huh?  Snorting some MexiBlow through your MexiNose before listening to some song by MexiFlow-Rida and then buying a knock off t-shirt of that cute monster MexiDomo.

Now, I MexiKnow what you're thinking?  Hey, aren't you just putting words that rhyme with "co" at the end of "Mexi?"

Well, MexiSo what?  Maybe this idea won't MexiBlow your mind, the way the Matrix did when they were fighting in MexiSlow-mo in that MexiDojo.

If you don't like it, why don't you just MexiGo to MexiLowes and pick up some MexiStucco so you can build your own MexiHome where you can be MexiLonley and MexiGrow to be MexiOld without reading my website.  MexiOk?  Does that sound better to you??

Because if not, I will continue to talk about famed Rangers Pitcher, MexiNolan Ryan or the prized jewel, the MexiHope Diamond.

Look look look!  I'm sorry I have to intervene here and stop this essay from being published any further.  Sorry, let me introduce myself, this is Stephen from the future. 

I'm actually from 1987, but it turns out that time is an infinite circle after all, and so the past is actually also the future.  Look, it gets confusing, but through a story Ill have to save for another time, I've basically mastered traveling the Ring of Time, and I'm using this power now to intervene in this essay. 

I have now since been to and returned from Mexico, and so I' can tell fun stories about it instead of just doing this stupid rhyming device.

Although, I'm not going to.  Just the same way I'm not going to explain why I used time travel to interject midway through this essay instead of just cutting it off from the very beginning.

Ok, look, time travel is not easy, alright?  And do you know what it's like to be in 1987 right now and trying to use the internet.  Yea, wrap your head around that will ya?


I'm doing my best here.

Anyway, I'll save Mexico stories for some other location or time or whatever.  It's all the same and everything ever is happening simultaneously right now, so it doesn't matter.

I'll just say this.  Mexico has parts that are fun.

Although eventually it blows up.

But hey, that's like millions of years from when this is published, so you need not worry.  It happens long after Taylor Hanson (from the band, Hanson) becomes President.  And long after Aliens invade and steal all our babies.  And long after the human species is non-existent.  Although, technically all that stuff already happened in the past and/or is happening now.

Sorry, I should've never time traveled and used it interrupt the essay about Mexico.

I'm MexiSorry.  (that one only sounds right if you apologize like a Canadian.)

Stephen Gillikin currently exists and doesn't.  He enjoys gardening, and despite the preceding, is not on any drugs.

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